


Prescription of Sugar Pills

by Atumun15



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3racha is precious, Angst, Cancer, Cancer patient - Freeform, Candy, Cuddles, Disease, Drawings, Insomnia, M/M, Pain, Sad, Seizures, Treatments, theres semi fluff tho, your heart might wrench
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 20:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15250941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atumun15/pseuds/Atumun15
Summary: “You’re too easy, Han Jisung.”“Kind of hard not to be when you’re my personal candy man, Lee Minho.”





	Prescription of Sugar Pills

**Author's Note:**

> This is for my lovey best friend, Jas! Happy birthday, babe!

When thinking of candy, it’s thought out to be something sweet, exciting, and a treat. It’s what people will risk a week of healthy eating for and make children willing to steal. It can be chocolaty and smooth, chewy and sour to make your lips purse, or chunky and flavorful. The world of candy was endless, and perhaps that’s what made Han Jisung crave it for every moment he was in the bland, white hospital bed surrounded by even blander, whiter walls with nurses in simple, white uniforms walking around as if they weren’t surrounded by life and death for every minute they were there. Most of them were kind and took care of Jisung well, but they treated him as if he were some sort of charity case, and that was the last thing Jisung wanted. If anything, he just wanted a pack of sour gummy worms and a friend. That’s all he could ever ask for.

 

But he wasn’t allowed to have candy and the other kids in his section were either too young or too mopey about their situation. And it wasn’t as if Jisung didn’t hate his situation either, but Jisung’s mother always told him to make the most out of his situations and to smile even when you feel like you’re on your deathbed. “Jisung? Time to take your medicine.” A soft voice echoed in the room, a hand knocking at the open door. Jisung let his eyes slowly wander to the young woman standing there, holding a small tray of five different prescription bottles and a bottle of that god forsaken liquid. The nurse helped him sit up in his bed, and Jisung nearly fell out of it due to his weak muscles. The boy began to giggle at the wide, panicked eyes of Yuqi and leaned back against the multiple pillows, shifting a bit to get comfortable. “This is for the pain, your nutrition, your thyroid, your spasms, and resistance to the treatment.”

 

Jisung took all the pills with ease, having to take at least two of those multiple times a day. “No,” Jisung grunted out in a prolonged protest, wrinkling his nose up at the sight of the blue liquid poured into a cap. Yuqi sighed, rubbing her forehead in mild frustration. “Can’t you just dump it out the window or some shit? Tell them I took it?” Jisung pleaded, much like he did every other morning and Yuqi gave him the same look she always did. _‘No,’_ her eyes told him, and Jisung took the cap with a whine, downing it like some sort of shot. He gagged, sticking his tongue out and shaking it as his whole body practically curled up in on himself. Yuqi handed him a water bottle with a huff, opening it for him when Jisung couldn’t seem to.

 

“See? Now you’re done you big baby.”

 

“Shut up, noona,” Jisung grumbled, Yuqi snickering and taking the water bottle back when Jisung handed it to her, only a third of it gone. She gave him a pointed look. “I’ll finish it later, I don’t think I can stomach anything else,” Jisung murmured, waving her off and sinking into his bed. The girl eyed him for a moment, seemingly pondering something as he tried his best to gather some strength in his body. The doctors had decided to start a new treatment two weeks ago, and it made Jisung unbearably weak. It made him want to scream his lungs out until he blacked out…

 

Maybe even for good.

 

Yuqi hummed in amusement for a moment as Jisung turned his face towards her but kept his eyes shut. “So I’m assuming that means you don’t want to go to the common room to speak with Felix and Jeongin?” Jisung peeped one eye open, eyeing her suspiciously. “I’m taking that as a no.” Yuqi shrugged, getting up from her chair next to Jisung’s bed and approaching the door, but Jisung called out, asking for her to wait and that he wanted to. “That’s what I thought. Finish your water and then we can go.” Jisung whined, but half an hour later, the bottle was empty and Jisung pressed the button by his bed. “Ready?” Yuqi murmured, taking the empty bottle and throwing it in the trash. Jisung nodded.

 

It took a bit of effort, but the two managed to get Jisung up on his feet and supported by the shorter girl. Luckily for Jisung, he never had to wear those damn hospital gowns and was more than comfortable in fuzzy, Spider-Man covered pajama pants and a white t-shirt. “Don’t forget your slippers,” Yuqi reminded with a teasing voice on their way out. Never forget the bunny slippers. Jisung huffed and slipped them on his feet with a prideful look in his eyes. No matter how much Yuqi and everyone else teased, they were his god given right. If he had to be in this damn hospital every day for at least another 6 months, than he was going to be comfortable. “I still think they’re cute, even if it was a gag gift,” Yuqi snorted.

 

“To be fair, noona, I couldn’t give a shit if you liked them or not.” Jisung smiled boldly, tongue poking out through his lips. Yuqi just flicked him on the nose. “Aye! Don’t hurt the patient!” Jisung shrieked, and Yuqi bursted into a fit of giggles as they left the hospital room. Jisung was a bit taller than her, resting his arm across the back of her shoulders, and while it looked like they were just two friends walking, Jisung was really putting all of his weight on her without even really trying to keep himself from collapsing to the ground. “I need to start walking around more,” Jisung breathed, tugging on the back of her shirt to make them stop. Yuqi eyed Jisung with a frown, offering to go get him a wheelchair, but Jisung was quick to reject that idea. “No, no, it’s fine. I need to get used to walking around again without getting winded every two seconds,” Jisung panted.

 

Yuqi huffed but didn’t push it. She may have been stubborn, but Jisung made her look like she gave in too easily, and that was really saying something. Jisung looked around for a moment, seeing the usual nurses that ran on Yuqi’s shift, but stopped when he saw one of the front desks, seeing a group of what looked like uni students standing around and waiting for instructions. One student, a boy with soft looking lips and sharp eyes to be more exact, caught Jisung’s attention. He was rather beautiful, and it threw Jisung completely off guard, but he just couldn’t tear his eyes away. Jisung had never really found a boy to be beautiful before, being primarily interested in girls as he grew up (hell, he even had a thing for Yuqi at one point, but that died pretty quickly when he realized it would never work), but this student really caught his attention. However, he deflated a bit when he noticed another boy, short with a strong chin and thin lips, attached to his arm and looking at him as if he hung the stars in the sky.

 

He could feel Yuqi staring at him, a knowing look in her eyes. “What?” Jisung sputtered when she caught her look. The girl just shook her head and uttered a quiet ‘nothing,’ and Jisung let his attention fall back onto the beautiful boy he had been staring at earlier. He didn’t like the way his heart was beating erratically when he smiled, or when he giggled at whatever the shorter boy attached to his arm said. “Hey, Yuqi… who are they?” Jisung murmured in confusion, turning his attention back to her and furrowing his eyebrows cutely.

 

“Some of the medical students from the university nearby are volunteering here for the next five months or so. Every Tuesday and Thursday,” Yuqi explained, but Jisung didn’t look at her when she spoke, too enthralled with the way the boy’s hair swayed when he shifted and and eyes darted smoothly anywhere he looked. Jisung flinched lightly when he felt a hand land on his shoulder, twirling around when he heard his doctor call out his name with a grin. It no doubt gathered the attention of the students a few yards away, his pale cheeks gaining a bit of color at the thought. “We were heading to the common room, but we took a break. Jisung’s treatment has made him really weak.”

 

The doctor frowned, pulling out his clipboard and pen. “Weak as in your energy is deteriorating or just physical strength?”

 

“Both, but I’m far more winded than I am just physically weak.” Jisung tried his best to explain.

 

“We’ll put you on some medication to help with that. In the meantime, please get a wheelchair and get off your feet.”  

 

“Doctor, I think it would really help me if I just got up and walked around,” Jisung pleaded desperately, trying his best to keep his attention focused on the doctor and not on the multiple pairs of eyes watching him from behind.  The doctor sighed, rubbing his face in mild exhaustion and sharing a look with Yuqi. The girl just shrugged in a way that told him she’d already tried and lost that argument. The doctor nodded, but didn’t let Jisung go without reminding him not to overwork himself and that his treatment was tomorrow at three. “How could I forget?” Jisung whispered to himself as his doctor walked away, a frown on his lips. However, once he realized he was frowning, he let it fade into a tiny smile, “Let’s go,” Jisung murmured with a soft smile, lifting his eyes up for a moment and locking with the sharp ones he had become intrigued with.

 

Jisung and Yuqi walked away, his cheeks crimson and Yuqi trying her best not to laugh her head off at the sight. They stopped one more time before they made it to the common room, Jisung flushed, sweaty, and out of breath by the time Yuqi lowered him down onto one of the chairs where Felix and Jeongin sat putting together a puzzle. Well, it was more Felix putting it together while Jeongin read his new book he no doubt got from Seungmin last time he came to visit. “Hey guys,” Jisung breathed as Yuqi walked away to finish her rounds, meeting the wide, concerned eyes of both Felix and Jeongin. “I’m fine.” He smiled brightly before they could even ask him if he was okay. The two shared a look, not quite believing him, “It’s just the treatment. It’s really knocked me down, but he’s prescribing me more medication to help with the lack of energy.”

 

Yes, Jisung was positive and happy a lot of the time, but he was also realistic and told things for how they were. As sad as his situation had been, Jisung didn’t mope. He had too little time to mope. Felix and Jeongin dropped it at that, nodding their heads and carrying on with what they were doing, adjusting it so Jisung could join in as well. “How much did you sleep last night?” Jisung murmured towards Felix, eyeing the dark bags under his eyes with concern. Felix had really bad insomnia, to the point where he was on the brink of hysterics after not catching even an hour in three days. It worried Jisung endlessly. Felix just shrugged.

 

“Don’t think I did,” Felix slurred, voice low and tight. Jisung pouted, getting up from his seat, nearly stumbling to the ground. Felix held his arms out in concern, read to catch him if he fell while the nurses tried to guide him back into his chair. Jisung shooed them away with a scowl, guiding himself over to the chair next to Felix and scooting closer until their thighs touched and Jisung could pull Felix’s arm around his shoulder without it being uncomfortable. Felix tugged Jisung over a bit more, letting the elder nestle his face into his neck so Felix could rest his head on top of Jisung’s. Jeongin watched the two with a small smile, but let it drop into his normal stone cold demeanor when the two caught him. Jeongin quickly threw his attention back to his book.

 

 “How are you? I heard you had another episode last night.”

 

Jisung spoke up, just loud enough for Jeongin and Felix to hear and no one else. Jeongin didn’t like to draw attention to himself, so he really appreciated Jisung’s discretion more than anyone would ever realize. “The new medication they put me on didn’t react well with the medication for my blood. They’re going to have to find something else.” Jeongin had scarily thin blood and seizures more than four times a week, and doctors have been desperately trying to figure out something that might work for him. “I’m sure they’ll find something else. They always do.” Jeongin shrugged, too focused on his book to really be negative about the situation like he had a habit of doing. Jisung watched him for a moment, Felix offering the younger his hand knowing Jisung just needed to hold something for the time being.

 

They sat there quietly for a moment, Jisung nearly falling asleep against Felix. However, he wasn’t all that comfortable and really needed to prop his feet up on something. He began to whine and pout, shifting his legs every now and then but not having enough energy to actually lift them. “Come on,” Felix grunted, lifting Jisung’s legs up and placing them in his lap, scooting them both until Jisung’s back was leaning against the wall and he could rest his head against it. “Do you want a pillow or something?” Felix wondered, but Jisung just waved him off, letting his eyes flutter shut to the feeling of Felix tracing his fingers along his calves. _“Those fucking slippers.”_

 

Jisung’s eyes snapped open, eyes blazing and lips pulled into an angry pout. “Leave my slippers alone! They’re cute!” Jisung began to beat his fist against Felix’s body weakly, not having a lot of energy in his body to cause actual pain. Suddenly, Felix took off one of the worn bunny slippers, holding it in the air as if he were going to smack Jisung with it. “No!” Jisung whined, but Felix didn’t listen, calling out to Jeongin and throwing it in the boy’s direction when Jisung tried to take it from his hands. Jeongin caught it with ease, throwing it somewhere behind him without even glancing up from his book and Jisung felt his heart freeze, skin pale, and lips already aching from the damage of his teeth they were going to endure in the future. They didn’t realize it until it was too late, but some of the university students had entered the common room, and were speaking to some of the patients there. Unfortunately for Jisung, the shoe just so happened to hit the ethereal boy from before in the back of the head and Jisung was left sat there with wide eyes, mouth agape, and a missing slipper.

 

The student whirled around, eyes snapping to the floor with a scowl and picking up the bunny slipper. Jisung felt his heart pulsing in his toes when the student observed the slipper with a look of confusion and what looked like slight adoration. His eyes began to roam around he common room for a few moments until they landed on Jisung and the one socked foot missing a slipper, and then he chuckled. Jisung tensed when the student approached. “I’m assuming this is yours?” His voice was smooth like marble, slightly higher pitched than Jisung had been expecting, but it made his brain throb in his head. Jisung nodded with a gulp, going to snatch it out of the other’s hand but the student waved him off, kneeling down to slip it back on his foot as if this was an off brand Cinderella. A crimson appeared on Jisung’s sickly pale cheeks, trying his best to ignore the intense gazed of interest from both Felix and Jeongin.

 

Once the student had placed the slipper on Jisung’s foot, he propped himself back up and offered a smile that made Jisung’s own lips quirk up. “These are cute.” And then he was gone, approaching the previous group he had been with and jumping right back into the conversation as if he wasn’t even gone. Meanwhile, it seemed as though Jisung had completely short circuited in a matter of minutes, eyes blown wide as he stared at the slipper that had just been placed on his foot and suddenly, he couldn’t breathe. A small hand was placed on his knee, dragging him out of his trance, and Jisung flickered his eyes up shyly towards Jeongin and Felix.

 

“What the hell was that?” Jeongin hissed, genuinely curious as to what had just happened. Jisung flushed, shrugging his shoulders and focusing on Felix’s small hand gently squeezing his knee. “I didn’t even know you looked at guys like…. _that_.” Jeongin didn’t mean anything negative by it, and Jisung knew that. None of them had directly talked about it, but Jisung saw the way Jeongin looked at Seungmin when the boy came to visit, and he had been observing it for a while. But as said before, none of them have talked about it directly and there was a reason for that, good or not. They may have been patients in a hospital, but even here, you had a reputation to maintain, and if the wrong person were to find out that you may look at them a bit differently, it could turn dangerous. But even Jisung was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on, he had never identified himself internally as anything but straight, but yet, here he was. Jisung just shrugged.

 

Jeongin sat back in his seat with a tiny frown but didn’t pry any longer, especially when Yuqi came pacing back in with a tiny, but sorrowful smile. “Jisung? We have to get going,” she uttered, helping him shift his legs off of Felix’s lap and pull him up onto his feet. Jisung tried to ask questions why they were leaving in such a hurry, but Yuqi ignored him, grabbing the IV pole he had to roll around and hooking her arm under his waist. “I’ll explain on the way,” she murmured, taking Jisung’s arm and throwing it over her shoulder to help support him. Jisung stopped fighting it at that point, brushing his parted hair out of his eyes and allowing himself to limp out of the room with Yuqi supporting him. However, just before he left, his eyes locked with the same boy from earlier, except the student was offering him a grin and waved in his direction. How Jisung managed to do the same without looking like a panicked mess was beyond anybody, but he did it and he was proud of himself, no matter how flushed he was afterwards.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

Yuqi sighed, slumping a bit, “He’s adding another treatment… we start today.” Jisung felt his heart drop to his stomach and churn it uncomfortably. Another treatment? He was still recovering from the new one they put him on, and now they were adding another one? When will this end? “What are you thinking?” Yuqi’s face shifted so it was underneath Jisung’s, making sure his attention was on her, and her question. Jisung gulped, offering her a weak smile.

 

 _Just give up already._ “Let’s do it.” Yuqi seemed unsure, even going as far as to say that the doctor said that Jisung can deny the treatment if he doesn’t think he can handle it, but Jisung shook his head in dismissal. “It’s okay. Let’s do it and get it over with.” It really hadn’t been okay, but Jisung had to keep up his strong, optimistic reputation, and this was apart of that. It was just the way the world worked. Yuqi sighed, and kept walking at a slightly quicker pace at Jisung’s request, and the two made it to the radiology wing in fifteen minutes and Jisung counted it as some sort of record in the last two months or so. “Hey, doc. What have you got for me today?” Jisung grinned the minute he entered the room, seeing the doctor hovered over a table with his laptop and papers sprawled out. He had seemingly done a good amount of research in a short period of time and it made Jisung slightly uneasy.

 

Jisung blocked him out after that, not really wanting to listen to his ramblings. “Is that okay with you?” He broke through the muffled wall blocking Jisung’s attention from the real world, his eyes flickering up in a slow drawl. He had no idea what his doctor had just uttered, but he figured there was no use in denying it. Jisung nodded his head with a tiny smile, and then he felt weak. Weak from the medicines in his system, weak from the treatment, weak from the relationships that were filled with nothing but pity. Weak from everything and Jisung was tired of it. He wanted to be happy and live. He couldn’t do that here, but damn, he could really go for some fucking candy, and he was damn well going to get some, one way or another if he couldn’t live.

  
  


It took two more Tuesdays for Jisung to see that student again, and unlucky for him, he was probably at his worst. The treatment was kicking in, and his hair was falling out little by little along with the color fading from the apple of his cheeks. He was slowly losing the light from his eyes that so many patients depended on day by day and he hated it. Jisung could see the pity in Yuqi’s eyes become stronger and he found it more unbearable to be around her as time passed and more often than not, he just wanted to be left alone. “Go do your rounds. I won’t go anywhere.” Jisung grumbled when Yuqi went to sit beside him. Instead of sitting in the common room, Jisung requested to go into the courtyard to get out of the stuffy hospital wing. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Yuqi’s face drop, but at the time he really couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty. Yuqi sighed, setting the pen and notepad in Jisung’s lap to keep him occupied and left, running a hand through his thinning hair.

 

“Call if you need me.”

 

Jisung didn’t say anything back.

 

The courtyard was gorgeous, Jisung would admit. It was filled with color and nice smells, as it was built as a sensory garden for a lot of the patients with Down syndrome or other medical needs, and Jisung had fallen in love with it long ago when he first arrived here, but he hadn’t had the chance to really delve back into it like he used to. But Jisung could not dwell on his regrets, deciding to put that energy into something far more beautiful like a cartoon landscape of what was right in front of him. Perhaps he could have added color, but Yuqi only allowed him a pen when he was outside of the common or his own room to avoid a mess. Jisung knew she meant well, but as said before, Jisung _hated_ pity. He stopped thinking after that, just letting his mind wander somewhere else as his hand flickered across the page, eyes never actually meeting the page, but the work beneath him still looking good despite that fact.

 

Jisung was too engrossed in his drawing to notice that someone had sat down beside him on the bench a foot away, setting his pen down briefly and letting the ringing in his ears come to a dull stop. He let out a silent but very much needed breath and sunk into the bench. “Hey.” A shriek echoed in the courtyard, Jisung scrambling from his relaxed position and facing the direction where the smooth, low greeting came from. There, a foot away from Jisung with an amused smile, was the uni student that made Jisung’s head spin with self-discovering thoughts that gave him a bigger headache than he would care to admit. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” His smile reminded Jisung of a kitten, soft but mischievous, and Jisung had the uncontrollable urge to snuggle this boy until they _had_ to separate. Jisung smiled, trying to match the softness the elder was offering him before, but it had been a lot shyer than he had intended.

 

“It’s okay. My fault for being too far away to notice you were here.” Jisung shrugged, going to close the pad with the pen bookmarking the page and setting it down in between them. “You’re one of the uni students right? The ones that are volunteering?” Jisung wondered, cocking his head to the side cutely but flushing when he saw the student flicker his eyes over every inch of Jisung’s face with a look that Jisung would never admit to be infatuation mixed with curiosity. The student nodded and hummed, and Jisung sat up a bit straighter. “You over the hospital yet? Be honest!” Jisung was slowly gaining the light back in his eyes the more the student was in his presence, and Jisung knew it too. He just wished he knew why this boy’s mere presence suddenly made his day so much more worthwhile. The student chuckled a bit, shrugging casually.

 

“It’s boring when I’m not helping around. How do you stay here all day️?” The student laughed a bit but the sound that left Jisung’s mouth was undeniably bitter.

 

“It’s… it can be bearable sometimes.” Jisung twisted his words before he could become anymore bitter, giving the student a look that said ‘you made my day a bit better, so, thank you.’ And the student nodded and grinned. “Jisung,” he said, holding out his hand for the student to shake.

 

“Minho.”

 

And then it was quiet.

 

The two sat there for a while, a comfortable silence between them; all until Minho tugged out a bag of perfect, chewy sour gummy worms and Jisung’s mouth watered. “You little bitch…. give me some!” Jisung whined, a pout on his lips that no one could resist. Minho stared at him for a moment, eyebrow quirked up in slightly question and mischief. “Please?” His voice was a lot softer now, craning his neck back shyly when Minho shifted a bit closer, kitten lips desirable with the way they turned up.

 

“And what would I get in return?” Minho inquired playfully, grin small but there. Jisung flushed, shrugging his shoulders shyly as he cast his eyes anywhere Minho wasn’t and trying his best to keep his heart calm. Jisung felt a hand land on his shoulder and then he saw that same kitten smile opening in preparation for words, but nothing ever came. Someone called out, for Minho specifically, and both of their attention went elsewhere. Stood off the side was the same short boy from before who always seemed to be attached to Minho’s side, and Minho may not have seen it, but Jisung saw it. He saw the hurt in the other’s eyes when he watched Minho and Jisung fly apart. “I’ll be there in a minute. Promise.” Minho reassured and the strong-chinned boy eyed them hesitantly before leaving, and Jisung took his bottom lip between his teeth. He felt bad.

 

“See you again?”

 

“Y-yeah! Sure!” Jisung watched Minho walk away with his mouth agape in awe, a handful of sour gummy worms resting in his palm and drool practically dripping from his mouth. Jisung ate his candy with a smile and a bit more color to his cheeks.

  


The following Thursday, Jisung saw Minho again. But instead of them being in the garden, Jisung was with Yuqi on his way to his treatment. The treatment alone had completely ruined Jisung’s mood, Yuqi seeing that quite clearly as Jisung never smiled once that whole morning. However, the minute Minho rounded one of the corridor corners and came into view, Jisung’s eyes lit up like Christmas lights. “Oh, hey, Jisung,” Minho greeted with that same, small kitten grin and Jisung felt his cheeks flush. Jisung waved shyly and Minho let out a giggle that sounded like music to his ears. “Where are you heading?” Minho wondered, cocking his head to the side cutely and Yuqi snickered when Jisung gripped her shoulder tightly and bit his lip to keep his squeals in.

 

“Radiology. If you’re wanting to hang out with him you’re going to have to give us an hour or two,” Yuqi explained and Minho nodded and shrugged, saying that it wouldn’t be an issue, he would just help other patients until Jisung was done. “Great! He’ll see you soon.” And then Yuqi was dragging a flushed Jisung away who was glancing over his shoulder mouthing ‘help me’ over and over again. Minho just smiled and waved, wiggling his eyebrows, and Jisung let out a whine before succumbing to the ways of radiology. “Hey… so uh… the doctor wanted to speak to you after today’s session. He sounded distressed,” Yuqi murmured, and Jisung sighed. He knew what was coming. God, he knew. He had been expecting it for a while. “But you already knew that didn’t you?” Her voice cracked, eyes piercing the side of Jisung’s face and the way his two, dangling earrings glinted.

 

Jisung didn’t respond. He did that more times than not now a days. What was there to say?

 

“Let’s just get on with it.”

 

Jisung let his mind wander during the entirety of the hour and a half his treatment lasted, ignoring the needles, medicines and scans going on around him. Yuqi tried her best to get Jisung’s attention and only have it on her, but his mind was entirely focused on the sour, sugary taste of chewy gummy worms and the upturn of a kitten-like smile. Jisung had always been in his own little bubble when he was around others, but Minho seemed to walk into it like it wasn’t even there. Jisung liked that. No matter how much it could have possibly scared him. “Are we done?” Jisung muttered out when a needled was extracted from his arm and the doctor set everything down and peeled off his gloves. The doctor and Yuqi hummed in confirmation and Jisung sat up on the examination table. “Yuqi said you wanted to speak to me about something?” A tense air fell over them and Jisung sighed when neither one of them said anything. “How long?”

 

“Jisung -“

 

“ _How long?”_

 

The doctor sighed, sitting down in a chair next to the examination table and rolling forward. “If the treatment doesn’t work… 8 months max.” It was a lot longer then they had expected originally. “But last time we said that, you laughed in our faces and survived for another two years. You think you can do the same here?” The desperate hope in the man’s eyes intimidated Jisung to an extent, and as much as Jisung wanted to give into those hopes and reassure his doctor that he could, but even Jisung knew what state he was in. It wasn’t a secret.

 

 _No_. “We’ll see.” Yuqi guided him out of the radiology room. Jisung wasn’t as upset as someone probably should have been, but how was he supposed to react? They’ve been saying this shit for years.  Jisung felt his tense body relax when he walked out and saw Minho sitting in a chair on his phone with a slight pout on his lips. He looked as if he was playing a game that he was too entranced with but losing horribly. “Hyung, you didn’t have to wait,” Jisung murmured with a frown when Minho jumped up to approach them when he finally noticed their presence. Minho just waved Jisung off with a smile, and insisted that he didn’t wait for very long. “Oh… well, thank you.” Jisung flushed when he felt Minho link his arm with his free one. Yuqi seemed a bit hesitant to let Jisung go off with Minho and tried his best to reassure her. “I’ll be fine, Noona.” Jisung pressed a kiss to her hair, ignoring the rise of an eyebrow from the other boy and his dark eyes.

 

Yuqi sighed and nodded, shooing them off. “If you need anything, just call out. I’m sure someone will hear you.”

 

The two walked leisurely, Jisung gripping Minho as if the elder was his only protection in a cold, dead world, but Minho didn’t seem to mind. If anything, he just gripped him a bit tighter and patted his arm with his free hand lightly. “Gardens?” Minho wondered, glancing at Jisung who was already eyeing him as if he hung the stars in the sky. Jisung nodded, never looking away from Minho, not even for a second. “What?” _You’re beautiful._ Jisung told him he was ugly and snarled his nose up playfully. “Wow. Damn. That’s a first,” Minho snorted, winking in Jisung’s direction, and Jisung couldn’t say he wasn’t all that surprised, even if it wasn’t true. Minho no doubt heard he was beautiful more times than not. “But thanks, cutie. I’m glad you can tell me the truth.” Jisung flushed, groaning and grumbling under his breath. He didn’t like this feeling.

 

He couldn’t do this.

 

But god, he really wanted to.

 

Minho didn’t directly help Jisung sit down, but he was there if something went wrong and made sure Jisung was settled before sitting down. That’s what Jisung liked about Minho, he didn’t feel the need to help Jisung with everything, but instead provided something for him to fall back on. It was a nice feeling. “I have something for you.” Jisung’s eyes lit up at that, claiming that if it was candy, he’d love Minho until his death bed, however morbid someone could see it. “Well, I guess you’re loving me for the rest of your life,” Minho replied cheekily, pulling out three separate bags of candy. “You don’t get all of it, we’re splitting it, but you seemed really happy when you saw the candy last time, and I felt bad I couldn’t give you anymore than a handful,” Minho explained, opening all three of the bags and scattering them on both of their laps. Jisung didn’t respond, only dogging his fingers into the gummy worms and Reese’s pack.

 

“I haven’t had candy in so long before you came. They won’t let me have it.” Jisung pouted, sounding breathless and quite frankly, exhausted. Minho gaped at Jisung in mock shock, a hand over his chest. Minho didn’t have to say anything for Jisung to know. “I know! I’m practically dying and I’ve been staying here for two years! And they still won’t let me have a fucking Reese's cup!” His whines had an affect on Minho that Jisung wouldn’t realize until later, but he wished he had known at that time so he could have used it against him a lot sooner. Minho sucked in a sharp breath, hitting Jisung’s ears but the younger ignored it for his own sake.

 

“Can I ask you a question?” Minho cocked his head to the side in curiosity.

 

“Sure!” Jisung mumbled out through a mouthful of candy, flushing when Minho moved his thumb to swipe some of the extra sour sugar off of Jisung’s lips. Perhaps Jisung wouldn’t have gotten so flustered if it weren’t for Minho then licking the sugar off of his thumb afterwards with a wink. “Scrap your question, I have one now. Why are you like this? Why are you the way that you are?” Jisung sneered, playfulness evident despite his agitated tone. Minho giggled, slapping his knee lightly while Jisung just stared at him until he received an answer, repeating the question again and again until Minho cupped his chin. “Hyung,” Jisung trailed off, slight fear in his tone. This had only been the second time they met and even Jisung knew Minho was entirely unpredictable. He just hoped Minho was the right kind of unpredictable and this would end how he wanted it to.

 

“You like it, Sungie. Now, for my question.” Minho grinned, letting go of Jisung’s face and placing a dosage of disappointment in Jisung’s chest. Jisung nodded. “That nurse -Yuqi was it? You guys seem really close. Do you like her?” Quite a personal question for their second meeting, but Jisung pondered it for a moment. Of course he didn’t like her, but this was a matter if he wanted to lie to Minho or not as to not cause any sort of suspicion. But he figured it would do more harm as to lie than it would for him to tell the truth. Jisung thought it had been his imagination, but when Minho asked the question, there was a tone to it that seemed bitter, realistic maybe, and that swayed Jisung a little bit in his decision.

 

“What? No. No! I mean I used to but not anymore,” Jisung scoffed, stuffing some more candy down his throat and Minho’s tense shoulders relaxed for a moment. But Jisung presumed it just to be his imagination and shoved it away as if it was nothing. As if _he_ was nothing. “We’re best friends. She’s been with me since I got here. But,” Jisung trailed off, eyes wandering elsewhere. First it had been the plants, then the ground, and then it was the pond, the slow trickles of water from the fountain soothing him. Minho inched a bit closer, as a way that let Jisung know he could continue. “But I really hate pity, and she has a lot of that for me.” It was bitter, a lot different from what Minho was used to when it came to Jisung, but he loved it all the same. He adored that Jisung wasn’t afraid to show more than one side around him this early on. There was no hard telling where they would be in a few months from now. “But you don’t look at me like that.”

 

When Jisung’s curious, almost appreciative, eyes locked with Minho’s, the elder was the first to look away this time. Jisung didn’t need to say it for Minho to understood what came after that. _As if you understand what it’s like._ “My older sister was here a lot when I was younger. She hated the pity, Maybe even a bit more than you.” Minho nudged Jisung’s shoulder with his own, a small, playful smile threatening to tug at his lips. Jisung took the claim as a challenge. “I may have not been in the bed, but I slept outside of it more nights than not and as much as I was in the hospital, I don’t hate it here.” Jisung’s heart calmed considerably, enjoying the soft whistle behind Minho’s voice when he spoke and watching him look around as if it were the most interesting place in the world. “Her room was actually a few rooms down from yours.” Jisung felt his stomach churn unpleasantly. She was like him.

 

“Is she…” Jisung couldn’t finish.

 

“Dead?” The younger’s eyes flickered away. “No. No, she’s not dead. At least that’s how it was the last time I saw her. She did a lot of treatments, and eventually they got rid of it. But they fucked her up.” Minho shrugged and Jisung gazed at him in a way that asked all of the questions he was too scared to say aloud. “She wasn’t brain dead per se, but the sister I knew was dead after her last treatment. She went… she went off the rails. I wouldn’t be all that surprised if I got a call in an hour that told me she was found dead in a shitty motel with needles in her arms.” Jisung didn’t know the reason as to why Minho was telling him this, but he decided that he didn’t want to be like that. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.” Minho leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. Jisung rested his arm along Minho’s spine, letting his fingers brush across the base of Minho’s neck and playing with his hair there.

 

“I’m not sure either, but I’m glad you did. I don’t want to be like that,” Jisung murmured, no sort of pity in his voice, and Minho was thankful for that. Minho chuckled in false amusement, leaning back against the bench and throwing his arm behind Jisung and pulling him into his side a bit. Minho played with the thinning hair on the back of Jisung’s hand, looking at the palm of his hand where a few strands had shedded on to it, but he ignored it. For both of their sakes.

 

“I have a strange feeling you won’t be.”

 

_Yeah. Just not in the way you would think._

  


Minho took Jisung back to his room, one arm hooked around his waist and the other stuffed in the pocket of his jeans. The two came to a halt abruptly, Minho shooting a smile ahead of him and Jisung looked where the elder was looking and shared the same smile, but a lot more timid, when he saw the boy normally attached to Minho’s side. “Binnie! Are you ready to go?” Minho wondered, cocking his head to the side cutely. Jisung eyed Changbin, smirking when the younger rolled his eyes because his cheeks flushed a little too deep for someone who was obviously trying to go for the ‘I love dark’ appearance. Changbin nodded. “Well. Let me take Jisung back to his room. Jisung this is Changbin, he’s been my best friend since we were kids -,“ Jisung didn’t miss the way Changbin’s suddenly solemn eyes flickered downwards, “ - Changbin this is Jisung.” Jisung tried his best to not make this boy hate him, offering him his brightest, heart shaped smile that made everyone weak at the knees and allowed his eyes to fold into crescents.

 

Changbin just stared. “You’re cute,” he suddenly blurted, shuffling his feet in embarrassment when Jisung began to giggle, asking Changbin if he was pretty too and the elder just grumbled out a low “Yes.” Minho watched the interaction with a smile, glad they were getting along. “Hurry up. I need to get to the studio before Chan has a heart attack,” Changbin snapped, going to move away, but Jisung’s eyes lit up at the mention of ‘studio.’

 

“Studio?” Changbin turned back for a moment, intrigued by the question.

 

“Yes. I...I make music.” Changbin explained and the way Jisung’s eyes lit up made Changbin weak at the knees. He could understand Minho’s infatuation with the patient. “I’m assuming you do as well?” Jisung became shy at that question, rubbing at the back of his neck in mild embarrassment. Minho gazed down at him adoringly, rubbing his side a bit to coax Jisung into talking with Changbin.

 

“I enjoy writing lyrics but I’m not able to actually produce music,” Jisung murmured sadly.

 

Changbin quirked an eyebrow up. “Really? Do you have them with you? I’d love to read over them.” Changbin grinned, and Jisung nodded, a giddy feeling in the pit of his stomach. “Great! Send them with Minho on his way out.” And then Changbins face dropped into a scowl when he turned to the older. “Hurry up, or else I’ll tell Chan that it’s your fault I’m late when he gets angry,” Changbin threatened, but Minho just snickered, shaking his head.

 

“That man couldn’t get mad at you even if he wanted to.”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“You know what I mean, Binnie.”

  


For the next two weeks Minho volunteered, the two were practically inseparable. They had grown undeniably close in such a short period of time and it scared Jisung to an extent. In fact, Minho began to stop by more frequently, even on days he wasn’t volunteering, and despite how many times Jisung told him he didn’t have to do that, Minho did it anyway, and even started to show up more after that. “Hey, Sungie.” Jisung had been in the common room with Jeongin and Felix, playing cards, when Minho came in with his backpack. Jisung smiled up at him and waved, not saying anything before giving his attention back to the cards in his hand. Minho sat down in the chair beside him, watching the three in amusement before his eyes caught the sight of a book he hadn’t ever read before.

 

Minho reached out, grasping the book in his hands and sending Jeongin into a panic. However, before the younger could scold Minho and rip the book out of his hands, he saw the way the elder was holding it and relaxed. Minho was careful with the object, flipping it gently and reading the pages with interest. “Have you read it?” Jeongin inquired with a crinkled nose and sharp eyes, attention away from the game of cards. Minho hummed and shook his head. “It’s good. I could lend it to you when I’m done reading it.” Jisung’s and Felix’s heads snapped up at that, eyeing the younger like he had grown a second head. “What?” Jeongin snapped at the two with a snarl once he realized how they were looking at him. Minho began to snicker when the two flinched back, throwing their hands up in surrender, but let his eyes wander back to Jeongin.

 

“I’d like that. Thank you.” Jeongin just offered him a small smile and took the book back, claiming he was done with cards and was heading back to his room to get some peace and quiet. Minho began to hover over Jisung’s shoulder, making him nervous, but whispering quietly to advise him. Felix kept claiming that that was cheating and stormed out after he lost and was refused a rematch. All Minho and Jisung could do was laugh and lean into each other. “He’s cute. A bit odd, but cute.” Minho shrugged, and Jisung snickered, shaking his head.

 

“That was definitely some elaborate scheme to get them to fuck off,” Jisung claimed but never moved from his spot leaning against Minho’s chest for a second. He was too comfortable.

 

“Oh yeah, babe, I just wanted you all to myself,” Minho purred, playfully. The elder nuzzled his nose into the side of Jisung’s head, tugging him a bit closer and making sure he was warm and comfortable. Jisung felt like his heart was going to leap out of his throat and his skin was on fire, but he was never this comfortable when he wasn’t with Minho and he was going to savor the moment for as long as he possibly could. Jisung curled his hand around the arm hanging over his chest and shifted his head so he could bury his face into the elder’s neck and the bottom of his chin. Minho giggled a bit. “So cute.” Minho said it so quietly that it seemed as though Jisung wasn’t even supposed to hear it, but he did, and his face was on fire.

 

“Well, you’ve succeeded, so what’s next?”

 

Minho smirked wildly when Jisung moved to face him, running his fingers through the boy’s hair and sighing a bit. “I think it’s time for a haircut, Sungie.” Jisung tried to fight Minho the whole way back to his room, whining lowly about how this was a bad idea and that he’d look ugly if they shaved his hair, and when Minho was tired of hearing the same argument over and over again, he turned to face the boy with a sigh. “Jisung, hon, it’s time. You’re balding already.” Jisung still seemed unsure. Minho sighed, inching a bit closer so their noses were only centimeters away from bumping as Minho traced his fingertips along the younger’s jaw. “If you do this, I’ll give you extra candy,” Minho persuaded and that seemed to do the trick. “You’re too easy, Han Jisung.”

 

“Kind of hard not to be when you’re my personal candy man, Lee Minho.” Jisung grinned, tugging Minho along back to his room and trying his best to not let his nerves get the best of him when Minho sat him down in the middle of the bathroom and pulled out a razor from his backpack. “This was a bad idea,” Jisung muttered, flinching when the buzzing began and Minho neared him. “No, no, no.” He whined lowky when the first chunk of hair hit his shoulder. Minho gripped the side of his head comfortingly, occasionally slipping them down to his neck and patting lightly. “Why did I agree to this?” Jisung continued on for a while, Minho never responding to it. Instead, he made conversation of his own.

 

“So, Changbin said he really liked your lyrics. He’s going to try and stop by sometime this week to talk to you outside of volunteering hours.” Jisung became giddy at the thought, but he couldn’t outwardly show it. Not when the razor turned off and Jisung turned to face the mirror. He was confronted with a sight he didn’t want to see; a bald Jisung was staring back at him, and Jisung realized he wasn’t Jisung anymore. He was a cancer patient in a hospital and he wished it would just end. “Even when bald, you’re still as handsome as always,” Minho hummed, curling his arms around Jisung’s neck and resting his chin on top of Jisung’s freshly shaven head and ignoring the tears threatening to spill from Jisung’s eyes. “So, so handsome.” Jisung wanted to tell Minho to stop lying, to fuck off and leave him alone, but he couldn’t do it. He needed everything he could get right now. “Let’s get you to bed.”

 

And suddenly, Jisung was lifted in the air, bridal style no less, and he let out a squeal. “Hyung!” Jisung laughed, curling his arms around Minho’s neck to stabilize himself. “You know, I’m sure in another time, I’d be the one carrying you,” Jisung grumbled, and Minho giggled a bit, placing Jisung down on the mattress and pulling the blankets up his body.

 

“Keep telling yourself that, Sungie,” Minho huffed, bending down to press a kiss to Jisung’s cheek. “Get some sleep. You look exhausted. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Minho reassured, stroking his palm across Jisung’s skull and moving away from him. And then Minho was out through the door, shutting it behind him quietly but jumping when he saw Yuqi stood across the corridor with her arms crossed over her chest. “Oh. Hey.” Minho smiled a lopsided grin, feeling caution bubble in his chest. Her eyes narrowed for a split second before everything softened, her crossed arms falling to her sides and pushing herself off of the wall. “Was there something you needed?” Yuqi didn’t say anything, only watching Jisung through the window and sighing.

 

“I’ve been trying to get him to shave his hair for two weeks, but all it took you were a few honied words,” she muttered bitterly, but there was a solemnity to her tone that not a lot of people would be able to pick up on. “But that seems to be the way things are when you’re added into the mix.” Minho wanted to ask her what she meant by that, but she beat him to it before he could even open his mouth. “For the past few weeks, he’ll walk around with the saddest frown I’ve ever seen in my life. A part of me thinks he’s felt like that for a lot longer than he’s been letting on. Jisung’s good at hiding things. And when I think he can’t smile again, it takes a millisecond for you to come into view and his eyes to light up like the Christmas lights on the tree in Times Square.” Minho wasn’t even sure what to say to that. What could he? It’s not as if he was expecting to get a love confession from someone tonight that wasn’t even from them. “Be careful, Minho. Take care of him but also take care of yourself.” Yuqi smiled sadly and walked off, leaving Minho alone in the hallway with his head swirling.

 

The following Tuesday, the two went back  out to the gardens, Jisung clutching a drawing pad close to his chest. Something felt off about today; his heart felt empty and his energy had been so deteriorated he couldn’t even spare Minho a smile. Minho didn’t seem disheartened at all by that, as if he had been expecting it when he walked into the room with a bag of candy in hand. Due to his lack of energy, Jisung had to rely heavily on Minho as he was lowered onto the bench. Jisung let his back hit the wood, his heart feeling heavy in his chest and head too big for his neck. Jisung wanted to burst into tears right then and there, but he held himself back. Jisung pushed those tears down until they were buried so deep they couldn’t come back out. Until there was nothing in the pit of his stomach and no noise except for the sound of Minho’s soft breaths coming from his nose. Jisung had pushed himself into this state too many times in the last four months, and it was beginning to build up like the lava in the core of the Earth.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

So much was wrong. So much about his situation and life was wrong. Jisung was dying and falling in love at the same time. His energy was already deteriorating from the chemotherapy and radiation, but it only seemed to get worse the more and more he thought about Minho and stopping himself from falling. It was dangerous. But despite all of his raging thoughts and internal battles, it was quiet. The gardens were quiet. And Jisung had to break it so the dull ringing in his ears would _leave_ . “When they diagnosed me… it hadn’t really set in. I remember my mom crying in the car and my dad trying his best to comfort her, but the only thing I could do was listen to the hum of the car and feel the vibrations in my head. ‘You’ve got a year left to live,’ they told me, and as much as I had thought about death and what was beyond my end… I guess I never really registered that it would happen to _me_ one day.” Jisung paused for a moment, ignoring the heavy eyes piercing into his body. “But that night - or maybe it was the next, that whole week was a bit of a blur - I accepted that I was going to die, and that…. that I wasn’t scared.”

 

Jisung stopped, his voice no higher than a whisper. Minho let his hand clasp Jisung’s larger one, intertwining their fingers and holding them in his lap. “Death is inevitable, but I want to spend whatever time I have left doing what I love and breathing,” Jisung whispered, glancing up at Minho, eyes glinting but mouth never moving from its slight frown. Minho didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure what to say. He simply separated their hands and placed them on Jisung’s cheeks. He smoothed the pale but chubby cheeks before letting one hand trace along his eyebrows. Minho did not hold pity in his eyes, but instead a determined solemness.

 

“You will, Sungie. But for now, just rest and draw,” Minho hushed, sliding the notepad into Jisung’s lap and letting his arm slip around Jisung’s shoulder. Jisung leaned into him, opening the notepad and staring down at the white page with a pout. He had no idea what to draw. Minho smirked, resting his chin on Jisung’s shoulder and letting his eyes flicked over to the younger when Jisung shifted to look at him. “You should draw me,” Minho suggested, eyebrows wiggling suggestively.  A low chuckle escaped the depths of Jisung’s throat, the younger turning so he was facing Minho on the bench and one leg was tucked under the other.

 

“Ok, but you can’t look,” Jisung snickered and tilted his notepad so Minho couldn’t see it. Minho didn’t argue; the elder simply studied Jisung from far away and felt his heart flutter. Jisung had to be one of the most beautiful boys he had ever seen in his life, and Minho had seen a lot of beautiful boys in his time. “Hey, turn your head for a second.” Jisung’s voice broke through the raging thoughts in his head and Minho turned so he was staring at the greenery around him. Minho heard the sound of lead on paper for a few moments before Jisung told him he could look back, and Minho almost had a heart attack when he did. Jisung’s tongue was poking slightly through his lips and he was concentrated on the drawing in front of him, and Minho couldn’t help but scoot a bit closer. “H-Hyung? Why are you looking at me like that?” Jisung stuttered, cheeks gaining a bit more color as he craned his neck back to put some distance between their faces.

 

Minho hummer lowly. “I want you to be honest with me, Sungie,” Minho hushed, running his pointer finger along Jisung’s jaw. The younger nodded hesitantly and Minho let out a sigh. “Do you like me? As more than a friend?” Jisung’s breath hitched in his throat, practically throwing the sketch pad down on the ground and scrambling up, body flooded with adrenalin. He kept uttering about having to go, stumbling out of the gardens as Minho tried to call after him. Minho figured he couldn’t get very far considering he was hobbling, so he reached down to grab everything, including the sketch pad, and followed after him. “Jisung! Jisung come on!” Minho called out, following his retreating figure into the hospital room and ignoring the strange looks the two were getting. However, when he reached the hospital room and Jisung was nowhere in sight, his attention immediately went to the bathroom attached and sighed when the door was closed.

 

“Fuck off!” Jisung blubbered when Minho knocked on the bathroom door twice, burying his face into his knees and pushing back the tears threatening to spill even more.

 

Minho sighed, resting both of his palms and forehead flat against the door. “Come on, baby, open the door. Let’s talk,” Minho pleaded, gently patting the door in hopes of coaxing the younger a bit further. Jisung didn’t say anything. “I know this isn’t probably how you wanted this to come about, but please come out and talk to me.” Minho started again but was cut off by Jisung’s harsh and croaky voice.

 

“You weren’t even supposed to find out!”

 

“But I’m glad I did. Baby, please,” Minho pleaded, waiting patiently for Jisung to possibly open the door. But it never came. Minho sighed, pushing himself away with guilt churning in his heart. “I’m not going to stop trying, Sungie. You can’t avoid me forever,” Minho vowed, one foot out the door before he heard a creak and a sniffle. Jisung had listened to those words and processed them in a matter of seconds, and Jisung admitted to himself that what he was saying was true and that Minho was one of the most stubborn little fuckers he’d ever met. There was no point in denying this, especially when his head was pounding and he felt like he was going to pass out at any moment. One of Jisung’s bleary, exhausted eyes peeped through the crack, and Minho turned back hopefully. “Oh baby,” Minho whispered when he saw Jisung trembling, approaching to push open the door and tug Jisung into his chest. They stood like that for a while, Jisung trembling but never crying and Minho rubbing his back.

 

“You should go, Hyung,” Jisung croaked, placing his hands on Minho’s chest and nudging him away. Jisung only met his eyes for a moment before he looked away with guilt swarming in his heart. Minho sighed and picked up the notepad he had set on the table, placing it in Jisung’s hands.

 

“Finish your drawing. I’ll see you soon,” Minho hushed and pressed a bold kiss to Jisung’s lips. Jisung was frozen when Minho pulled away, clutching the notebook tightly to his chest, but he felt disappointed that he only got a peck out of it.

 

“Is that it?” Minho turned to face Jisung in confusion, the younger scowling, “Is that all I get?” Minho quirked an eyebrow up, laughing in what seemed like disbelief. The elder approached him in a few, swift steps and let his hands fall onto Jisung’s hips, pulling him forward and pressing their lips together. Jisung made a noise of surprise but dropped the notebook and placed one hand on the back of Minho’s neck and the other on his shoulder. It was slow and timid, Jisung’s heart slowing to a faded beat in his chest and letting him fall deeper and deeper into the elder holding him like a porcelain doll.

 

Yeah.

 

Jisung was falling.

  
  


Minho wasn’t lying when he said Changbin would stop by his hospital room when they weren’t volunteering, and Jisung wished he had actually believed him. Perhaps if he believed him, he wouldn’t have been in the middle of intently watching a children’s movie and coloring of all things when Changbin came in with a new face behind him. “Shit. Hey, uh, Hyung!” Jisung cursed, shyly throwing his coloring book somewhere else and turning off the TV with a sheepish grin. Changbin snickered and began to collect the crayons all over the younger’s lap as the stranger picked up the notebook and set it on the small table next to Jisung’s hospital bed. “I wish I had taken Minho Hyung seriously when he said you were coming to visit,” Jisung groaned, slightly muffled to the hands covering his face and the stranger couldn’t help but snicker.

 

“Why wouldn’t you take him seriously, you child?” Changbin wondered, pulling out his laptop from his backpack as the stranger sat down on the other side of Jisung’s hospital bed. “By the way, this is Chan.” Changbin pointed to the silver haired man, who offered Jisung a beaming smile that showed off his dimples, and Jisung couldn’t help but see him as attractive. “Don’t Let Channie Hyung’s looks deceive you though, he’s really a loser,” Changbin muttered, typing away on his laptop, and Jisung snickered at Chan’s pout, patting at his cheeks.

 

“Its okay, Channie Hyung, Changbin is just as much of a loser as you are,” Jisung cooed, and Changbin began to made noises in disagreement, but Chan and Jisung were already laughing at Changbin’s flushed face. “But they were right though, you are a cutie,” Jisung purred, hooking his hand underneath Chan’s jaw, and Changbin was quick to bat his hands away.

 

“Alright, alright, don’t forget you have a boyfriend, Han,” Changbin muttered bitterly. Jisung snickered to himself, shrugging at Chan’s rather horrified expression. “This is Minho’s boyfriend. Guess I forgot to mention that,” Changbin muttered shyly and Chan’s mouth fell agape, suddenly understanding everything. The elder wacked Changbin on the back of the head, but Jisung took note of the way it hadn’t been that hard and Chan let his palm linger on the impacted spot for a moment too long. _He was whipped_. “What? Why are you laughing?” Changbin whined suddenly, Jisung chuckling even more as Changbin grabbed one of the extra pillows and began to hit him with it.

 

“Hey! Hey! Don’t hit the patient!” Jisung screeched with laughter, grabbing a pillow of his own and hitting Changbin. Somewhere along the way of pillow fighting, Chan got hit, and then it turned into a war. Of course, it wasn’t too aggressive as Jisung was a patient and he did get weak very quickly, but Changbin and Chan never treated him any different than a normal person. He appreciated that. “Alright, ok, what did you need?’ Jisung breathed once they all settled, letting out a few short laughs and letting his arms rest on the pillow above his head. Changbin and Chan pulled out their transportable equipment and Jisung felt his heart speed up. This wasn’t some sort of joke was it?

 

“We want to make music with you. I really liked your lyrics.” Chan grinned, dimpled and bright. Jisung gulped and nodded vigorously and Chan let out a low, casual laugh that made Jisung relax in his place. They began to talk both lyrics and music composition, too entranced in their discussion to notice that there was another person stood in the doorway. A cough was heard that had Chan flicking his head up for a moment and then taking a second glance at the sight of a bleach haired boy in the doorway with dark eyes and equally as dark bags underneath them. “Oh. Hello,” Chan stammered, choking on his words and Jisung studied the elder for a moment before turning to Felix with a smile.

 

“Hey, Felix. What’s up?” Jisung broke the silence.

 

“Uh, hi. Have you seen Jeongin? He’s not in his room and he’s not in the library or common room either,” Felix wondered with a frown and Jisung’s smile dropped into that of a frown. Felix hadn’t heard.

 

“He’s in the ER, Lix. He had four episodes last night. Yuqi said it was really bad….” Jisung winced when he saw Felix’s face drop, Chan fidgeting beside him.

 

“How…. How did I not hear any of this last night? He’s only a few doors down,” Felix hushed, staring down at the floor with guilt evident in his eyes, but Jisung sighed, waving the younger over. Felix came up beside Chan shyly, the elder staring up at him in slight awe, and it took a lot for Jisung not to call him out on it either.

 

“Lix, they had you on those new meds, remember? So you could sleep. You were out like a light by 9:30.” Jisung wasn’t sure how or why, but something within Felix snapped, and a storm was brewing in the pits of his eyes. “Felix….” Jisung trailed off cautiously, sharing a look with Chan as if to say “hey if this gets out of hand, you need to be there to make sure no one gets hurt” and Chan knew that perfectly well.

 

“It’s those fucking meds! I missed my best friend practically on his death bed last night because of those damn meds. They make me sick, Jisung! They make me hurl the moment I wake up and I feel like a zombie!” Felix cried, fingers curling in his bleached strands harshly. Jisung panicked, reaching out to grab Felix to calm him down, but the younger flinched away from him, nearly falling to the ground if Chan hadn’t been there to wrap his arms firmly around his waist. “Get off of me!” Felix wailed, fighting Chan’s strong arms but getting nowhere due to not only lack of energy but the fact that Chan was just really fucking strong. Felix gave up and sunk into Chan with a tiny sob. The younger didn’t care that he was sitting in a stranger’s lap, practically crying his eyes out in front of yet another stranger but a bit more well known due to volunteering. “I don’t want to take them anymore,” he choked out, Chan rubbing his back soothingly as Jisung took one of his hands in his.

 

“Babe, you have to. But you have to talk to your doctor about it, too. They shouldn’t be making you feel like that.”

 

Felix sniffled grossily, wiping at his eyes. “I’ve already talked to him about it. Said they were side effects. But he’s going to try and find medicine for me that won’t contradict the goal of the other one.” Jisung winced at that, knowing perfectly well what hell Felix is about to go through when it comes to finding medicines that not only work and do what they’re supposed to do, but fit in nicely with the others he was one. It's never a fun trip. “Is he okay? Will he be out soon?” Felix murmured after a while of silence, flickering his teary eyes up to Jisung’s.

 

“Yeah. Yeah he’s okay. He got out of critical this morning. They’re going to monitor him for the rest of the week. But you can go visit him if you want. He should be awake,” Jisung murmured and Felix nodded, stumbling out of Chan’s lap. “Do you want someone to go with you?” Jisung hushed before he could get very far, Felix whirling around with a flushed face. Jisung smirked to himself when Felix’s eyes flickered over to Chan for a moment before they met the ground where his feet were shuffling shyly. Felix simply shrugged.

 

“I’ll go,” Chan volunteered, standing up and collecting his things but stopping abruptly before he could pick up his music production system. “How about you keep that, yeah? Make some music. Show me what you can do.” Chan grinned and Jisung matched it, perhaps even a bit wider than the elder’s, but Chan didn’t seem to mind too much. “Come on. I’m Chan,” the elder hushed, voice barely above a whisper as he placed his palm on Felix’s lower back and guided them out of the room. Felix whispered something back, but Jisung was unable to make it out. This left Changbin and Jisung alone, and surprisingly enough, it wasn’t as awkward as either one of them thought it would be.

 

They dived right back into the conversation they were having previously, discussing lyrics and what sounds they wanted to put behind them. However, after almost another hour and Chan showing no signs of coming back, the two were met with knocks coming at the door. Changbin and Jisung looked up after a few knocks, finally snapping out of their trances and facing a smirking Minho. “Have I got your attention now?” The two flushed, but nodded in confirmation. “Good. Can I have my boyfriend now?” Minho cocked his head to the side, rolling his eyes when Changbin began to snicker.

 

“I don’t know, Hyung… I quite like his company,” Changbin teased, leaning over and draping an arm over Jisung’s shoulders. The boy played along, leaning into him and placing a hand on his chest with a dramatic, adoring smile. Minho scoffed, pulling Changbin by the back of the collar.   


“Go find Chan,” Minho grumbled, shoving Changbin out after he grabbed his things.

 

“Chan is with Felix.”

 

A silence fell over all of them, Minho and Changbin staring at each other and seemingly having a mental conversation between the two that Jisung really didn’t want to be apart of. “Oh. Well… I’m glad he’s moving on then,” Minho murmured and Changbin nodded, leaving the room not even five seconds afterward, and the couple was left alone. Minho shut the door, turning to lean against it and stare at Jisung with a fond but mischievous glint in his eye. The patient sunk down in his bed at the look, cheeks crimson and heart beating unsteadily. “Hey, Baby,” Minho greeted with a low murmur, approaching the younger and sitting down on the edge of the bed.

 

“Hey, Hyung,” Jisung hushed, melting into the hand pressed to his cheek and tugging gently at the collar of Minho’s shirt to pull him down into the bed. Minho let out a laugh, settling himself next to Jisung’s side and holding him close. “Did you bring candy, Hyung?” Jisung wondered shyly against Minho’s chest, basking in his warmth. Minho hummed in mock confusion, patting around his body with a fake pout.

 

“Seems like I didn’t, baby.” Minho shrugged, giggling when Jisung moved so he was straddling the elders hips and beating lightly against his chest. Jisung called him a liar and bore the cutest pout Minho had probably ever seen, and he couldn’t help but play with him more. “If you want it, you have to find it.” Minho shrugged, letting his body become a rag doll as Jisung began to let his hands actively search Minho’s clothes. It hadn’t taken long, but the position their faces were in when Jisung’s hands met the plastic of a bag behind Minho’s back made him pause.

 

“You little shit,”  Jisung whispered once he realized that their faces were way too close and that Minho had definitely planned that. Minho grinned, curling his hand around the back of Jisung’s neck and pulling him into a slow kiss. It didn’t last forever, and it wasn’t heated or lust filled. It was just… them. “Thank you, Hyung.” They pulled away and Jisung rested his head against Minho’s chest; the two fell into their own little world of sour gummy worms and kids shows, and Jisung had never been more thankful for Minho and his efforts to make Jisung happy. “What did I do to deserve you?” Jisung snickered, the gummy worm between his teeth snapping back when it broke.

 

“I’m pretty sure you screamed when I greeted you after staring me down by the receptionist’s desk.” Minho pointed out, stroking his hand along the junction of Jisung’s neck and shoulder with a snort.

 

“How can you blame me when you have a face like this?” Jisung snickered, squeezing Minho’s jaw before patting it and turning back to the TV. They were happy.

 

They just wish it could have lasted.

  
  


The moon was high in the sky when Minho jumped awake at the feeling of a body twitching beside him and the screams of bloody murder coming from said body. It took him a second to register what was going on, ears ringing and vision blurry, but he managed to comprehend that Jisung was curled up next to him with his head in his trembling hands. He moved urgently, even if Minho didn’t really feel them, and Jisung’s screaming, crying, shaking body was pulled into his chest. “What is it, Jisung? What’s wrong? What hurts?” Minho interrogated him, keeping his voice gentle but loud enough to break through the screams tearing open his throat harshly.

 

Jisung’s screams halted for a moment, covered by loud sobs, and the younger shifted his hands so they were clutching Minho’s collar instead of his head. “I-It hurts. E-Everything h-hurts!” he wailed, Minho seeing a few nurses come in and accidently making too much commotion. Jisung let out another whimpering scream, not as loud as before but enough to hurt Minho’s ears, and his hands dropped from Minho’s collar and were placed back onto his head. “I don’t want it! I don’t want to be here anymore! I don’t want the cancer! I just want to die!” Jisung screamed and wailed, and Minho felt his heart shatter in his chest. But he never stopped holding Jisung. He held him a bit closer and a bit tighter.

 

Minho’s neck was slick with tears and snot, but he held Jisung’s face to his neck by the back of the head and kept him secured at the shoulders. Jisung’s nails were digging into Minho’s back, no doubt creating scratches and drawing blood, but not even that pain was a third of what Jisung felt in his throbbing head. “It’ll be over soon, baby, the pain will go away soon. Just please hold on,” Minho whispered against his ear while stroking him, but Jisung didn’t really seem to register what Minho was implying. ‘Don’t die on me now,’ is what his words begged and begged and begged for Jisung to do. And perhaps…. perhaps that’s what kept Jisung going despite his blood burning, his skin crawling, and his head pounding.

 

“I don’t want to wait!” he cried, but he did anyway. Jisung waited, even if he let himself fall into the world of darkness and let his cries come to a halt. Despite the nurses trying to usher Minho out and get him to separate from the younger, Minho couldn’t do it. Hearing Jisung’s cries and screams come to a halt due to Jisung passing out from the pain was like a wakeup call for him. In the back of his head, he knew what he was getting into, but here he was, holding a dying Jisung like he could somehow instill some life into him and get the cancer to fuck off for the time being. But the world didn’t work like that, as sad as it was.

 

“I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry,” Minho sniffled into Jisung’s head, squishing his nose and cheek against the slick skin and letting himself fall into tears as well. Minho doesn’t remember much after that, only really registering the fact that he was pulled away from Jisung as paramedics wheeled Jisung out into the emergency room and Minho was held back by both Felix and Jeongin. “I-I need to go with him!” Minho called out, fighting against Felix’s and Jeongin’s arms, but Minho was weak and the two were rather determined.

 

He doesn’t remember anything after that, only being sat down in a chair in the hallways and Felix and Jeongin on either side of him, clutching his biceps and resting their heads on his shoulders. But that was only for a while, and soon they were escorted back to their rooms and Minho was left alone again. Time passed by agonizingly slow and quickly at the same time. Five minutes felt like five hours, but Minho seemed to blink and then the sun was up and the hospital was starting to show more forms of life again. Yuqi sat down beside him. “He’s stable. They’ve put him in a medically induced coma and are letting his body rest for a few days,” Yuqi murmured, and Minho let his eyes fall to the ground.  

 

“Was that the cancer, or the treatment?” Minho’s lip was between his teeth, raw and bleeding from the abuse it had endured over the last couple of hours.

 

“Based on how bad it was… I’d say both.” And then it was quiet.  Yuqi placed her hand on Minho’s shoulder. “You should go home and get some rest. I’ll call you when he wakes up,” Yuqi reassured, and as much as Minho didn’t want to leave, he knew better. Jisung always told him to take care of himself when he left for the day, and Minho had to keep doing that. For him.

 

“Promise?”

 

“Promise.”

  


It took the doctors a week to pull him out of the coma. Minho visited every day with a new bouquet of flowers and bag of candy, piling them up and waiting for Jisung to wake up. The first day, Minho was not allowed to see him, but he stayed there until he was asked to leave hours later. The second day, Yuqi allowed him to see him through the glass mirror, and Minho broke down right then and there. Jisung had multiple tubes and lines attached to his limp body and Minho couldn’t handle that sight. Yuqi held him. The third and fourth day, Minho stayed outside the glass, watching Jisung like a hawk until he had to go to the bathroom or fell asleep, but at those times, Changbin, Felix, Chan, or Jeongin stepped in. Jisung really did have a good support system. On the fifth day, Jisung was allowed back into his regular room and Minho never left his side, still bringing a new bouquet of flowers and candy (sometimes a stuffy if Minho had the cash).

 

However, when Jisung woke up on the eighth day, Minho had been in class at the time and knew he couldn’t just leave. He wished he had left, because maybe they could have avoided the shit storm that was in store for the both of them. Their reuniting had not been the one they would have prefered, but it really did put into perspective on how much they cared for one another. He walked into the hospital with urgency in his steps, flowers, candy, and a large stuffy in hand of course, but was stopped by Yuqi. “Listen, I know I called but something came up -,” Yuqi was cut off by Jisung’s yells, actually understandable and more angry rather than painful.

 

“No! No, go away! You have no right to be here - Don’t touch me! Minho!”

 

“Minho!”

 

The items in the man’s hands dropped to the ground, Minho ignoring both the items and Yuqi’s pleads for him to come back; Jisung was far more important. Minho darted for his room, and nearly slid into the door frame when he rounded the corner. In the room, a few things looked thrown, but Minho was more focused on the two strangers at the foot of the bed and Jisung’s trembling figure. Minho ignored the strangers. “Hey, hey, hey, calm down,” Minho hushed, sitting down at the edge of the bed and brushing away the slight flinch Jisung threw his way when Minho’s hands slipped around his shoulders. “Just me, baby.” He whispered the last part, only loud enough for Jisung to hear, and the younger took in a shaky breath before burying his head in the elder’s chest.

 

“Make them leave, hyung,” Jisung whimpered, and Minho’s eyes flickered up, a storm brewing within the black of his irises. The strangers spoke up, claiming that Jisung was overreacting and that they were only there to help, but Jisung whimpered and buried his head even further than before, if that was even possible. “Just go away!” His voice was muffled but still loud, and Minho began to grow a bit irritated when the strangers insisted on staying. However, before he could tell them to fuck off, Yuqi was quick to butt in before Minho made the situation any worse.

 

“Mr. and Mrs. Han, I think it would be best if you left.” Yuqi smiled tightly and Minho understood. These were his parents. His parents who abandoned him and left him in the hospital. The parents grumbled but left, not even daring to look Minho in the eyes for more than a few seconds to avoid the storm within. “What did they say, Jisung?” Yuqi sighed, closing the door behind her, and Jisung shifted his head so his words came out clearly. He seemed a bit hesitant, but Minho was quick to coax it out of him with a forehead kiss and a tight, reassuring squeeze.

 

”They want me to continue finding and trying treatments,” Jisung grumbled, sounding rather exhausted, and if Minho was honest, _empty_. Yuqi and Minho tensed, Minho flickering his eyes over to Yuqi with questions obvious in his eyes. What had Yuqi not told him? “I don’t want to continue treatment. Do you understand me? I don’t want it. I’ll go through one last one and then I’m done,” Jisung spat, and Minho took note of the way Yuqi flinched, eyes down casted, and gulped heavily. Yuqi nodded, muttered a quiet ‘I’ll tell him,’ and left. Jisung didn’t say anything after that, only burying his face back into Minho’s chest and tugging him down into the bed with a whine. Minho laughed quietly, pulling Jisung so he was lying on top of him and comfortable. “I missed you,” he croaked.

 

“I missed you more.”

 

And then it was quiet.

  
  


It was like that for a month. Jisung was getting weaker and weaker by the day, and he hadn’t left his bed in two weeks. He needed to breathe fresh air. “Hyung? Can you take me back to the gardens? It's stuffy in here,” Jisung murmured, rolling his head to the side to face Minho who was sat in a comfortable chair Yuqi had moved there for Minho when he was too fidgety to lay in bed. The elder looked up from his book, grabbing for Jisung’s hand and nodding. “I don’t want the wheelchair. I need to walk,” Jisung croaked, and that was where Minho seemed to be a bit more hesitant. The doctor had insisted that Jisung stay off his feet, but Minho found it hard to resist when he knew Jisung would soon face his end. “Please, Hyung?”

 

“Yeah… Yeah, okay.” Minho nodded, and after fifteen minutes, they managed to get Jisung on his feet and out the door. “You okay?” Minho interrogated every few minutes, the two stopping occasionally for Jisung to catch his breath. The younger nodded and kept walking, practically collapsing on the bench with a huff. The sight really did break Minho’s heart, but he wasn’t the one that wanted to burst into tears; it was Jisung. Jisung had been holding in his emotions for so long that his emotional state had been imbalanced since that night he had been screaming bloody murder. “What are you thinking, baby?” Minho hushed, rubbing his palm into Jisung’s shoulder, and the younger shoved his emotions back down his throat.

 

“That I can’t get your damn lips right,” Jisung grumbled, staring down at the sketch pad he had brought with him, and Minho hummed suggestively.

 

“Anything I can do to help?”

 

“Perhaps.”

 

What started as slow and tender evolved into something needy and heated. Enough so that Jisung was tugged into Minho’s lap. The feelings Minho had for Jisung were so intense in his chest that he couldn’t focus on anything else. Perhaps that’s why salty tears lingered between their lips and Jisung clutched Minho more closely. The elder was caught off guard by the sudden emotion in Jisung’s body and actions, but he never pulled away. Not until Jisung was panting against his lips and their lungs begged for air. “Hyung… Hyung, I love you so much. I can’t leave you,” Jisung whispered against Minho’s lips and suddenly, Minho understood everything behind those words. _I’m scared to die_.

 

But Minho couldn't say he blamed him. “I love you too, baby. So much.” Minho places his hands on either side of Jisung’s face, pressing their foreheads together. It seemed as though Jisung wanted Minho to beg for him to stay alive, to start treatments again, to never leave him. But Minho never did. “I want you to be safe, and happy, and at peace with yourself.” _I want you to be at peace forever, even if it means you have to die_. And Jisung wasn’t sure if he liked that or not. “Did that help you?” Minho grinned after a while and Jisung laughed, choked and catching in his throat as he nodded his head. His eyes met Minho’s again and the two kissed again before Jisung rolled off of him.

 

“Yeah. Thanks Hyung.”

 

“Always, baby.”

  
  


Death is a rather… peculiar thing. Jisung thought about it for a while, hours at time for a good portion of his life. Even before he was diagnosed. What was beyond the grave? Was it heaven and hell like he was raised to believe? Was it the world as before but Jisung walking it as a spirit? Or was it just black? Jisung thought about every single one of those possibilities and he was never scared of death. He was okay with it. Did he want to go out before his time? No. But when his time did come, Jisung was ready to face it with open arms.

 

Until he met Minho.

 

Jisung wasn’t sure how or why, but Minho’s eyes alone dreq Jisung in, made him feel some type of way. Jisung didn’t have much to live for, perhaps Felix and Jeongin, but one day they would leave and Jisung would be left alone in that hospital again and be made out to be the same scared little boy he was before. But Minho… as morbid as it was, Jisung knew in the back of his head that Minho would stick around until the end, and Jisung needed that. But what he needed contradicted what he wanted, and what Jisung wanted was to go out unafraid.

 

Minho instilled an internal fear of death into Jisung and he hated it. He hated every ounce of it.

 

Jisung wanted to be free of the pain in his head. He was tired of the aching in his head and his veins burning, but he wanted Minho. He wanted the man holding his hand, sitting in the chair next to his bed, reading a book with a content smile. He wanted the man who brought him candy and flowers. He wanted the man who teased him endlessly for his style choices. He wanted the man who supported his music making until Jisung fell asleep at three in the morning. Jisung wanted Minho. “Hyung, come here,” Jisung hushed, waving the elder over weakly. Minho smiled and closed his book, rolling over and hovering his head next to Jisung’s.

 

The two kissed slowly, and Jisung…. Jisung knew. “Hyung… you know I love you right?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, baby I know. I love you too.”

 

“You know I can’t stay around much longer don’t you?”

 

“Yeah. I know. Its okay, baby.”

 

It was quiet for a moment.

 

“Hyung, I’m scared.” Minho’s heart dropped at the crack in Jisung’s voice, but his soothing smile never dropped as he stroked over the younger’s head. Minho knew too.

 

“It’s okay, baby. _Just let go_.”

  


Dear Minho Hyung,

 

Fuck.

 

Fuck, I’m so sorry for leaving you behind.

 

I didn’t want to. Whatever you may believe, I want you to know that I hung on until I couldn’t anymore. I miss you. I mean, you left to go get some food like two minutes ago, and I figured that if I didn’t write this now, I couldn’t do it later. But even beyond the grave, I still miss your touch and you constantly teasing me for my pajamas (which, fuck you by the way, my pajamas were great). I just miss you.

 

But I have to ask a favor of you. Move on. Don’t hang on to me too long, yeah? I already talked to Changbin. He’s got my old tracks now and I asked him to take care of you. Minho, you can’t ignore that part of your life anymore. We both know how he feels for you, and we both know that in the back of your head, that your love for him can grow into something as equal as his. Don’t ignore that anymore. See what’s in front of you.

 

I finished your drawing. It should be attached to this. A picture of us should be as well, back when I still had hair. You remember that day don’t you? We were in the common room and you took out a Polaroid camera and we started taking pictures until we ran out of film.

 

I wrote Felix and Jeongin a letter too, but I need you to be there for them. Jeongin has Seungmin and I’m 90% certain Felix and Chan finally got together (I walked in on them kissing, if they’re not together yet, give them a fucking reality check before I come for them beyond the grave).

 

Don’t forget about me. I love you. So, so much.

 

Your baby,

-Jisung.

  
  
[[Moodboard]](https://twitter.com/atumun15/status/1017007573126533120)  



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